How To Communicate Over Text
June 13, 2024
There are a few social ettique things that people sometimes handle incorrectly over text, much to the detrimant of their own relationships. After dealing with these so many times, I thought maybe having a source to point to that says “Not only does this bother me, but it’s bothered me enough, historically, that I’ve written exactly how, why, and how to avoid it” might help.
Rule 1: No anxious cliffhangers #
This is Rule #1 for a reason. With, the worst of the worst example I’ve ever personally received being “We shouldn’t have had sex” followed by being left on read for the better part of a day.
Fortunately avoiding this one is easy: If you have something to say where the very immediate, very obvious follow up question is “Why?” then either make damn sure you’re there to respond immedately or, yunno’, just put the context in there to begin with.
Rule 2: “Call Me” #
This text can not only act as a varient of the above - why should I call you? - but is also incredibly annoying. If you have something that is so lengthy that it is difficult to discuss over text, then you can provide at least an “about X” - “Call me about my tech issue”, “Call me about your sick grandma, don’t worry, she’s okay”, etc. More than anything, this one is annoying because I may be perfectly available to text but not to call. You’re making a demand of me to call you, with out giving me the necessary context to prioritize that call over what I was otherwise doing.
This is particularly annoying if you’re asking for tech help, as, it turns out, I’m not omniscient and do, in fact, have to look up some things if only to jog my memory.
Rule 3: Screenshots & text #
If I ask you for a picture of what’s on your screen and you send me this:
2:39 PM
I will take a deep breath and resist the urge to hop in my car, drive to you, and kick your ass.
Either:
- Send a link
- Copy paste the text
- Take a real (not a picture with your phone) screenshot.
Rule 4: The X-Y Problem #
Ask for the root of your problem, not how to make your half-started solution work. Or, better, ask, and if you already have something in mind explain that to in the same message.
Rule 5: STFW #
You have the power of the collective information of all of humanity at your finger tips, so Search The Fucking Web before you ask me a question where I’ll just be doing the same. I don’t like being a middle man to Google.
Rule 6: Avoid voice messages #
If I wanted to call, I would. I may not be somewhere I can hear what you have to say. If voice is really safer/easier then use speech-to-text. I promise you your phone is capable.
Rule 7: If it’s between us, keep it between us #
This violates trust. Why did you take a screenshot? Who are you going to share that with? I have no idea.
Rule 8: Read Receipt ≠ Available to reply #
You shouldn’t get angry at someone who isn’t able to respond right away just because you see a read receipt. Just because they have time to read your message doesn’t mean they have the time to respond or can do so safely (such as if they’re driving)
Rule 9: Formatting counts. #
- Nobody wants to read a large wall of text with no breaks
- Nobody wants to read unformatted, no-newlines code
Rule 10: Have confidence #
(AKA: Get to the point, don’t apologize for messaging, and don’t ask to ask )